It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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