where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
