but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
