Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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