Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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