dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
