i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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