How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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