omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
