hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
