so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
