I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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