she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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