mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
