do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
