I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
