Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he fucked my hip out of place.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
