That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
be right there i have to get my cape
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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