I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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