Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
