I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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