Princesses don't give blow jobs
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
