it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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