If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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