Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
