Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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