I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
