i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
