If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
