she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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