life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
