I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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