i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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