I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need to calm my uterus...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
