Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
