And to think..we used to do everything sober...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
