Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
