You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
