tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
