How'd it feel making her break her religion?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
