the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
