Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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