the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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