Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
