I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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