What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
