quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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