I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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