the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
