bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
